What’s the opposite of order? Disorder, chaos, mess? In some cases, that’s true. If the planets in our solar system deviated from the orderly path they follow, it could end life as we know it.
Is perfect order always best? We might look at rows of trees in an orchard and note how well-ordered they are. Their straight lines enable the farmer to efficiently plow, harvest, and irrigate.
But would we drive through the foothills and consider a splattering of oak trees disorderly? We don’t label finches disorderly just because they don’t fly in formation like geese.
A reoccurring challenge in my work is people with different views of order living in the same household. I believe everyone benefits from order, but not everyone thrives in the same level of orderliness.
Some of us are born geese attempting to maintain a perfect “V” as we fly through life. Others are more like finches flying in a less structured manner. If your household is a mix of finch and geese, it’s a challenge.
To face the challenge, start with the mindset that one isn’t right and the other wrong. Here are a couple more Timely Tips to promote a peaceful coexistence.
Timely Tips to promote a peaceful coexistence
Photo by Henrique Hanemann on Unsplash
RANDOM RHYTHMS
The ocean is a great example of random rhythms. Watching the waves can be peaceful, even therapeutic. But if every wave was exactly alike and marched in perfect order, it wouldn’t be the same.
On the other hand, without the rhythmic tide maintaining the ocean boundaries, there would be no beach from which to enjoy the waves.
Putting it into the home context might look something like this. Let’s say the finch in your household is the cook. The goose, because he wants it done “just so,” is the cleanup person.
The finch is lackadaisical about schedules, so dinnertime varies from 5:30 to 8:30 PM. This drives the goose crazy because there’s no consistency and he sometimes ends up cleaning the kitchen at 9:00 PM.
A random rhythm would be to agree on a dinner-time window of 5:30 to 7:00 PM, allowing for finch flexibility while providing a suitable boundary for the goose.
Identify the areas of your schedules that affect both of you. Honor one another’s preferences and look for a random rhythm solution.
Photo by Ginger Jordan on Unsplash
MAGICAL MARGINS
I remember driving through beautiful countryside on my way to a client’s home in the foothills. There were farmhouses, cattle, and cowboys out in the fields. One necessary element that kept cattle safe and home properties free from cow pies was fencing. Both sides of the fence had value.
Sometimes when a goose and a finch share space without boundaries, the finch feels like there’s no space to roam freely, or the goose feels overtaken with "cow pies."
If there’s a spare room that can be designated as finch’s space, the magical margin is the door that the goose can close when she doesn’t want to see it.
If that’s not possible, a rolling cart with the finch’s stuff might be used in common spaces and rolled into a closet or garage when hosting guests.
Whether it’s a basket on the kitchen counter for the keys and wallet, or a tray in the bathroom for daily used items, these magical margins keep the finch’s belongings accessible while providing a sense of order for the goose.
TAKE NOTE: A goose isn’t flying a “V” formation just to annoy a finch any more than a finch flies randomly to annoy a goose. We’re wired differently. Sometimes it’s the same differences that attract us to one another that drive us crazy. What then? With communication, flexibility, and grace we learn to co-exist with random rhythms and magical margins.
wise words
Look out for one another's interests, not just for your own. -The Apostle Paul